Thursday, October 14, 2004

John Smith: Threat or Menace?

Fellow blogger and Syracuse University alumna Jill A. Smith posted the following yesterday on Making Light:

My husband, John Smith (!), just called from the airport a few hours ago to let me know his name is now on the Terrorist Watch List.

It was only a matter of time.

She also wrote about it on her own blog, Writing or Typing? Here's the link:

Sleeping with the Enemy.

In retrospect, we all should have known from the start that anyone named John Smith is an international terrorist or, at the very least, an interstellar man of mystery. The name is too bland to be real. It's a known pseudonym for use on hotel registers, or when being named the scientific advisor to the United Nations Intelligence Taskforce. One user of the name, a military captain of some sort, was nearly executed by an official in Massachusetts, but changed his mind at his daughter's request. The daughter, one Pocahontas, later emigrated to that same John Smith's country of origin. Obviously, a conspiracy was afoot even then.

In fact, I'll go so far as to say that the Reverend John Smith, the pastor at St. Michael and All Angels these past eight years or so, Father Smith and Proscovia prepare a dog to be their agentis secretly planning to use egg salad sandwiches, Easter baptisms and medical supplies for  Guatamala to change the world forever. All those dogs, cats and other animals he blesses each year are sent out as secret agents of Christianity, "instruments" of his "peace." Among his alleged associates is a mysterious figure with no legal immigration status, known only as "Michael."  First seen in or near Iraq many years ago, this Michael is known to have fought in at least one past insurgency, and always carries a sword. Another associate, "Father" Daniel Richards, has openly advocated loving our enemies.

In light of all this, "Father" Smith clearly should not be allowed to fly to Seattle during his next vacation, let alone lead a tour group of "parishioners" and religious activists to Europe, as he has been known to do in the past.

Don't you agree, Tom Ridge?



cneinhorn said...


ryanagi said...

LMAO!! Thanks...I needed a good giggle today.

jillsawdon said...

Geez - AOL makes you sign in to leave a comment?!  Good thing I still have an AIM account...

Anyway, you gotta watch those John Smiths - to reference Making Light again, they're SO TOTALLY the Thing.

(And thanks for the googlejuju!)

- Jill Smith