Tuesday, August 24, 2004


Bulwer-Lytton sentences

I've had these sitting around for years.  Now I share them with you.

1.  “Gee whiz, Professor Peterson,” Billy Blaster exclaimed excitedly as they raced headlong down the silver-hued halls of Starfire Solar Station, “if the sonic laser rifles have stopped working, then how the heck are we going to stop those mean Martian sandsnakes from eating Betty?”
—One of 6 entries supposedly forwarded from a local
Bulwer-Lytton contest to the international competition.  I won a Minnie Mouse pen.   TusCon, 11/18/90

2.   “Where is the thimble?” Joel asked angrily and, receiving no acceptable answer, upended the entire Monopoly set onto the carpeted floor.

3.   According to my notes, it was late in the summer of 1897 that my friend Sherlock Holmes, having just completed a monumental yet still unprintable service for the royal family involving the blackmail and murder of a cross-dressing lion tamer, first ate sushi.

4.   A dark and stormy night was gradually giving way to a slightly less dark, but even stormier day, its thunder grumbling one-two-three-four-five seconds away, its rain filling up the streets, the washes and the insides of my only shoes; and as I slogged – like Sisyphus but without the rock – up the endless hill, barely keeping my feet as my dogs, Noodle and Tuffy, lunged after cats and interesting rain-washed smells, I really, really, really wished that my 1987 Toyota didn't need $2800 worth of repairs.

(I think I'll hold out a couple of the others to actually submit to the contest.)


1 comment:

quroboros said...

LOL these are great.. but almost a little too good to be that bad!  It must be harder for a really good writer like you to compose such badly written lines.  Still, your #4 entry is a real stinker!  ¤Holly