Sunday, February 13, 2005

100 Things About Karen That Aren't True - and 10 That Are

I got this idea from Chuck of Dribble by Chas Ferris.  I suspect his was funnier and more interesting.  That's why I call this quiz The Boring Facts About Karen Quiz.  Nevertheless, I want you to  Take my Quiz and then Check out the Scoreboard!

The Boring Facts About Karen Quiz on!

Continuing the themes of borrowed memes and facts about myself, I also wish to present to you my own little variation on Paul's token attempt to write 100 things about himself.  (He only listed three initially.)  Mine is called:

100 False Statements About Karen

101. This is not a picture of Karen.1.    Karen lives in Eugene, Oregon.
2.    Karen chain smokes behind the wheel of her powder blue 1967 Corvette.
3.    Karen is close personal friends with the Pope.
4.    Karen voted four times for people named George Bush (HW or W).
5.    Karen loves conflict and confrontation.
6.    Karen lived in Japan for a year in the 1970s.
7.    Karen doesn't like getting comments in any of her 17 blogs and journals.
8.    Karen's street has a French name (it's a Rue).
9.    Karen never saw the Clash in concert.
10.  Karen saw the Beatles in concert in 1965.
11.  Karen really loves and respects Management theory
12.  Karen is the most outgoing person you could ever hope to meet.
13.  Karen gets drunk every night.
14.  Karen has never had a good job working for a decent, supportive boss, particularly her current one.
15.  Karen's first novel has never been rejected by an agent or editor.
16.  Karen's second novel is very short.
17.  Stephen Spielberg keeps calling Karen up trying to option the film rights to Heirs of Mâvarin.
18.  Stephen Sondheim wants to turn the same book into a musical.  Hence the dilemma.
19.  Karen has three children, Bram, Charlie and Marigold.
20.  Karen has never read The Lord of the Rings.
21.  Karen has read Dune six times.
22.  Karen never dated a lawyer.
23.  Karen is too thin.
24.  Karen is a compulsive cleaner.
25.  Karen always dresses up in conservative career wear and makeup.
26.  Karen hates dogs.
27.  Karen's best friend is a cat.
28.  Karen's real name is Maisy Ranier Vorplestack.
29.  Karen flunked first grade.
30.  Karen is not allergic to guinea pigs, cats, horses, or feathers.
31.  Karen's favorite kind of weather is 10 degrees F with blowing snow.
32.  Karen stood outside in weather like that just this morning, and enjoyed it very much.
33.  Karen prefers short, self-contained fiction with no backstory.
34.  Karen got straight A's in calculus and physics.
35.  Karen has never done anything illegal in any way.
36.  Karen is an outstanding violinist, due to her excellent eye-hand coordination and five hours of practice per night.
37.  Karen makes a point of getting exactly eight hours of sleep per night.
38.  Karen still has her moped, which was not stolen in the early 1980s.
39.  Every motorscooter Karen has ever had is still in perfect condition.
40.  Karen never liked the original series of Star Trek, and never sat in on a Gene Roddenberry press conference.
41.  Karen doesn't find the compilation of this list harder than she expected.
42.  Karen knows from personal experience that tengremen make excellent pets.
43.  Karen never got into a childhood fight with a girl named Jamie.
44.  Karen never collected bone china animals.
45.  Karen has never been birdwatching, especially not in 1986.
46.  Karen has never been to Niagara Falls.
47.  Karen is secretly from another planet.
48.  Karen's license plate and license plate holder have nothing to do with her books.
49.  Karen has never read A Wrinkle in Time.
50.  Karen doesn't appreciate her online friends.
51.  Karen doesn't have any Disney movies on VHS or DVD.
52.  Karen doesn't like the 1958 tv series Zorro.
53.  Karen has never been to Disneyland or Walt Disney World, only Disneyland Paris, Tokyo DisneySea and Tokyo Disneyland.
54.  Karen has no interest in seeing Animal Kingdom or the Disney MGM theme park.
55.  Karen wouldn't be interested in an annual pass to Disneyland if she lived in California.
56.  Karen never had a Barbie, Skipper, Tutti or Casey, and doesn't have any such dolls now.
57.  Karen never played Canasta with her family as a kid.
58.  Karen never aspired to play the fastest mistake-free games of Klondike in the world.
59.  Karen always won at Monopoly as a kid.
60.  Karen never compiled fun song combinations for a local oldies station.
61.  Karen got through her bachelor's degree in three years, from beginning to end.
62.  Karen is an outstanding athlete who always got picked first in gym class.
63.  Karen never owned a Chatty Baby, only a Chatty Cathy.
64.  Karen never had a Jan doll from Remco.
65.  Karen was never lashed to a tree by an excited cocker spaniel that was tied to the tree.
66.  Karen was never scratched and bruised by a St. Bernard.
67.  Karen has never gotten stuck at the bottom of page one of a story she tried to write.  Her files are not full of such attempts.
68.  Karen's husband is extremely fond of Karen's writing, because he likes the genre (realistic modern war stories, with spies and high tech) so very much.
69.  Karen never sprained two ankles trying to see a rare bird.
70.  Karen never spent an hour and a half waiting from someone who simultaneously waited for her at the same intersection.
71.  Telling Karen she must do something doesn't makes her want to stubbornly avoid doing it.
72.  Karen doesn't have many hundreds of unread emails on other screen names.
73.  Karen never spends any time in IM with people she's only met online.
74.  Karen always wears a watch.
75.  Karen has perfect eyesight.
76.  Karen hasn't had a cold in years.
77.  Karen hasn't outlived at least one of her doctors.
78.  Karen reads every blog she likes every day.
79.  Karen has never written about the tv series Quantum Leap.
80.  Karen has never interviewed an actor, writer or producer.
81.  Karen has never discussed Thurber with William Windom.
82.  Karen has never once broken an ankle, let alone done it three times.
83.  Karen never tried to let a dog  go outside by herself on the "honor system."
84.  Karen never read textbooks to a blind grad student.
85.  Karen has never answered phones at a public tv pledge drive.
86.  Karen has never called the NPR show Talk of the Nation.
87.  Karen does not have a friend who is a struggling actor in L.A. but a former household name in England.
88.  Karen doesn't think she really ought to be washing dishes right now.
89.  Karen has been extremely productive on her novels this past week.
90.  Karen never passes up an opportunity to say mean things.
91.  Karen does her best to discourage her friends from writing.
92.  Karen has never considered William Shatner a bit of an ass who needs a good director to keep him in line.
93.  Karen never ever misses an episode of Survivor.
94.  Karen loves all reality tv, especially really gross and mean-spirited ones.
95.  Karen's favorite tv and radio personality is Howard Stern.
96.  Karen thinks everything Michel Eisner does is the best, most creative and most ethical decision for the good of Disney and its fans.
97.  Karen never wrote a song in a fictional language.
98.  Karen's glad John hasn't finished that mystery novel he started a couple of years ago, because it didn't sound interesting at all.
99.  Karen doesn't love John at all, and never did.
100. Karen didn't write this list.

These are all COMPLETELY false.  In other words, I tried to make most of the details false as well as the primary claim.

The interesting thing is that you can deduce many true statements by examining the false ones.  More on this later.



jabarett said...

Gosh. You just burst my bubble. I had this mental image of you cruising down the Rue de Something-or-other in that powder blue vette, a Lucky hanging from your lips, and Howard Stern blaring from the radio. And none of it is true! What a thing to do to a girl on a Monday morning... ;-)

marigolds2 said...

yeah, sure, also being close personal friends with the pope and voting - TWICE - for both bushies.  these are pretty funny. that you in the picture?  i have to now think you are getting the enormous energy manifested in your journals from extraplanetary sources.  how DO you do it?  never sleeping?

deabvt said...

Wow!  Learned a lot.....S. Sondheim, huh?

michelesentme said...

I LOVE this list. Very creative.

Michele (

ryanagi said...

Falsehood #67 had given me an interesting idea. You should send me one of those unfinished one-pagers and let me play with it. And I should send you one of my unfinished bits and see what you come up with. :-)