Tuesday, February 8, 2005

Karen's Joke File: The Monkey and the Cigar

This is the last of my joke file postings.  Aren't you grateful? Scroll down to see the previous jokes, including two that are actually funny.

Joke: The Monkey and the Cigar

professional offices - the scene of the crimeIt was a marriage on the verge of failure, and all because of a pair of peccadillos.  Judy had a pet monkey - not a chimpanzee or even an especially cute monkey, but one of those nasty monkeys that like to climb on people and start pulling on or even chewing their hair.  George was always afraid that the monkey would get at him some night, and he'd wake up half bald.  JoJo went everywhere with Judy, unless an actual restraining order or large bouncer prevented it. He was even at their marriage counseling sessions.  Judy thought this was only fair, because George's major failing was equally omnipresent: his love of large, smelly cigars.  It was true that this was a more common behavior than keeping a monkey, but that didn't make it any less annoying.  The smoke made her cough so much that Judy had to keep an inhaler in her purse.

really nasty cigarOne day, after a particularly unsuccessful counseling session in a high-rise professional building in the city, the couple's running argument  about the monkey and the cigars reached epic proportions.  Still standing in the hallway outside the hapless counselor's eleventh floor office, the couple's loud complaints and insults escalated into shouting, and then shrieking. Even the counselor started threatening to call the police.  It was at about this point that Judy grabbed George's last, lit cigar and threw it out a nearby window. Enraged, George grabbed his nemesis, JoJo, and threw him out the window!

JoJo was not this cute."What did you do?" Judy screamed as she burst into tears.  "How could you murder poor JoJo like that?"

"Monkeys are climbers," George said. "It'll probably make it down the side of the building just fine."

"Not after you've thrown him out the eleventh floor window, he won't be!  Poor JoJo!"

Much more fighting and crying followed, but I will leave that unpleasantness to your imagination.  The counselor did his best to calm them down and restore some sanity.  Just as she got them to stop screaming and shouting, they all heard a tap at the window.

"JoJo!" Judy cried, and rushed to take a look.  "You survived!  You came back to me!  Oh, clever monkey!"

It was indeed JoJo, looking none the worse for his plunge as he chittered at Judy and George.  Judy's massive relief at the monkey's survival was tempered with consternation as she noticed what the monkey had managed to carry with him, all the way back to the eleventh floor.  "Look what's in his hand!" Judy said.  "What does it mean?"

What was in the monkey's hand?

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really nasty cigar
No, not the cigar.

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not this cute, either
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far too obvious

No, not a banana.

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No, not the corn flakes, or even the rooster.

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remember this?

The brick
the other guy threw up in the air.

Karen

P.S. For the sake of closure, although it's not properly part of the joke, let's contrive a happy ending.  Judy saw the monkey's return as a sign of survival and generosity of spirit, and his carrying the heavy brick as overcoming the odds.  George was frankly just relieved that his rash action hadn't caused the monkey's death, and possibly his own arrest. They each agreed to back off--a little--and are still semi-happily married today.

6 comments:

sistercdr said...

Ok, I finally did laugh out loud.  I told you I have a twisted sense of humor.

plittle said...

What's with the big explanation? Just say "the brick." No link. No reference to the other joke. Then you'll see if anyone else gets it. You let that one scare you.
-Paul

deabvt said...

Oh, Karen!!!
V

ryanagi said...

Ha! OK...you made me laugh. Good job!

jigwar said...

What a terrible joke!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

yummymirage said...

I know this is an old post, but I must comment: I've been halfheartedly searching for the two-part monkey and brick joke for over 10 years.  I first heard it (though my version ended with the monkey on an airplane, holding both cigar and brick in hand) as a college freshman, woken up in the middle of the night by my dormmate and friend... well, I heard the first part of the joke, at least.  They all laughed hilariously; I went back to sleep, not getting the joke at all.  A week later, the second part of the joke was told, and I not only got it, but found it quite hilarious.  The next quarter, I even used it for a grammar seminar I instructed.  Thank you for sharing.