Unamusing Dog Stories of Non-Attacks

Weekend Assignment #48: Recount an amusing tale of a pet attacking someone or something. By "amusing," I mean that a) no one was seriously injured, least of all the pet (pet humiliation is okay), b) you laughed about it at the time, or sometime shortly thereafter. You know: Funny! Okay, then.

Extra Credit: Ever seen your cat/dog walk right into a sliding glass door? Do tell.

Darn you, John Scalzi.  In your apparent continuing quest to find a topic I can't write about, you've very nearly defeated me this week.

Jenny (Princess Guinevere of Westcott Street) never attacked anyone or anything, let alone amusingly. For all I know, she may have killed a mouse or a bird at some point in her life, but if so there was no amusing story about it.  A meter reader once threatened, unamusingly, to kill her, merely for being present at Rockarama when he showed up one day.  I sent Jenny out of the store with someone so he wouldn't see her again, and then reported the guy to the gas company.  I hope they fired him.

Wafer (Wayfarer, a lab puppy I had for a month in 1979) did a little puppy-style chewing on my hand, but that's in no way remarkable or amusing.

Noodle was a lover, not a fighter.  Again, she may have killed a bird at some point, but not amusingly.  The only stuff she ever attacked was food.  She was not a bright dog like Jenny or Tuffy, but she was a genius at finding a way to get a loaf of bread off the counter or open the cupboard to get at the trash.  Not all that amusing, really, especially for the loaf of bread. Oh, the humanity! Or at least the yeast.

Tuffy - well, you folks should know by now that Tuffy's name is ironic.  Tuffy's usual tactic with anyone but family is to bark and run away, preferably far away, as  in outside (if the guest is inside).  I don't think she's ever attacked anything, although she's occasionally shown interest in a large bug.
But if you want to stretch the point, and I mean really stretch it, you can say that she "attacked" the love seat and the leather couch right after I adopted her. Remember, she was a "pass around puppy," as John put it.  We were about her sixth owners, and she was only six weeks old at the time, so she was understandably insecure.  She chewed holes in both pieces of furniture when we weren't home, and even tore a strip of fiber from the wallpaper. 

There you go.  That was the big attack.  From John's point of view, it wasn't amusing at all.  We had to replace those two pieces of furniture, and spend $575 on dog training.

Extra credit:  I've never seen a pet walk into a sliding glass door.  But I did it once.  Or twice.  John didn't find that amusing, either,  due to the damage I did.

Karen (who at least tried to tell this amusingly)

Tags: Dogs, Tuffy