Check the Street (Updated)

"If it were done when 'tis done, then 'twere well / It were done quickly." - Macbeth


No, I'm not planning a murder, even a fantastical one, but the quote seems appropriate.  Nothing about this refi John and I have just gone through was done quickly, and now that 'tis done, 'twere not done completely even yet.  We've received the final approvals, signed the papers, and gotten the checks issued - most of them, anyway.  We've even had the mold remediation done, and the smell from the mold-preventing sealant in my bathroom is slowly abating.  But the bathroom now needs to be plastered and repainted, and that's not the biggest home repair problem. The roofer still hasn't scheduled the re-roofing.  Yes, I'm sure the end of the summer monsoon is a very busy time for them, but a returned phone call would be nice!

On Monday, I picked up an envelope with several checks in it.  One was made out to us, and the rest were to pay off the credit cards.  Each of the latter had an abbreviated version of the creditor's name on it, plus our names, with instructions to endorse the checks and mail them to the credit card companies.  Okay, fine.  So Tuesday at lunch, I went home and printed out online versions of three of the four relevant bills, since I had a printed version of the fourth one.  The last of the online ones lacked any black ink at all on the printout.  What the heck did I do with the toner cartridge I bought last week?  I don't know, but so far I haven't managed to find it.

Next I raided John's box of blank envelopes, and then headed back to the office.

By now you probably know that I cross a major Tucson intersection several times a day, walking between my car and the office.  When I came back from lunch on  Tuesday, I carried a bag with some of the bill-related stuff in it.  The rest was in my purse.  As I neared the curb on the office side of the street, the car beside me honked.  "I do have the right of way, you know!" I growled.

But then the car after that honked, too - and I was out of the street by then.

I turned and looked.  The crosswalk was littered with envelope-sized pieces of white paper. 

And the traffic light had just changed.

I called out my thanks to the second person who honked at me, and stood helplessly on the curb as the early afternoon traffic plowed through my unintentional litter, blowing it southward and covering it with treadmarks.  When the light changed again, I grabbed the two pieces that were still within reach of the original crosswalk.  The light changed yet again, and I retrieved several more papers, in and around the crosswalk that went the other way.  That left two more unretrieved items, both in the scariest, most dangerous part of the intersection.  Everything I'd grabbed turned out to be a blank white envelope (now punctured and gray), and the remaining items looked to be more of the same.  I therefore didn't try for those last two pieces.  I stuffed the other ruined envelopes in the bag, and returned to my cubicle.

Today I got out fresh, clean envelopes at home, and printed them at work.  But when I went to put one of the really big checks into the printed envelope, I didn't have the check!  Oh, no!  Was one of the two "envelopes" I'd failed to retrieve not an envelope after all, but a check for X thousand dollars and change?  Or was the missing check in the car, or at home?  I was in agony for the rest of the afternoon, as I waited to leave work and go find out.

After work I scoped out the intersection, and discovered that the only likely place for my unretrieved papers to be was in the bushes on the median strip south of the intersection.  Sure enough, one of my envelopes was there.  But that was all.

On to the car.  Nothing.

I drove home.  No check in the kitchen, or in my office, or in the stack of mail I was going through on Monday.  In desperation, I checked one last place.

It was there.  Somehow, it got separated from the other checks, and was never even endorsed.

Whew!

But....

On the kitchen counter was a checklist of checks that should have been in the envelope, with check numbers and amounts.  Tonight I looked this over in detail for the first time.

There was supposed to be another check besides the ones I have, made out to a well-known company that employs spokesbarbarians. 

I never, ever saw this sixth check.  No, really!  I had been vaguely aware that there were only four credit card checks, plus the one to us.  That seemed wrong, but I hadn't paid enough attention to discover that it was wrong, not even when I discussed the checks with my loan officer on Monday afternoon.  I also had been vaguely aware that I hadn't pulled up the spokesbarbarians' website when I compared the current balances with the check amounts.

Guess I have a phone call to make tomorrow.

No, really.  I didn't lose a large check on Wilmot Road.

I didn't!

Don't look at me like that!  I didn't do it, I tell you!

It wouldn't be so amusing if you were married to me.

Karen

********* Later **********

Nothing is missing after all.   The title company didn't issue a check to Capital One.  I don't know why, but it means that we still owe them.  (Further update: the balance was only a couple thousand anyway, so we paid it off Thursday evening.)

There were only five checks, exactly as listed.  (An accountant who can't tell the difference between five and six.  How scary is that?)

John thinks this wipes out the rest of our cash and/or monthly cash flow, but it doesn't.  It is tighter, though.  :(

And I didn't lose a check.  I told you, but you didn't believe me.  Did you?  I'm looking at you, Kal!  ;)

KFB

 

*********** Answers to the John's Turn Puzzlers ***********

2.  Orange Grid.


Close-up of a vintage lamp.

3. The Bonzos and Radio. 



Kal had this right - as well he should, having been a partner in Rockarama.  The Bonzo Dog Doo Dah Band (or Bonzo Dog Band) was fronted by Neil Innes of Rutles fame.

4.  Colors, Man.



Straws from IKEA.

Karen